Alicia, 33, likes to dominate in bed. While many men have been surprised by her go-getter character, her current partner loves being submissive. She tells us.
My profile is not common. My friends tell me regularly that they like to be submissive in bed. It's the opposite that excites me. I realized this from the beginning of my sex life. Very naturally (and because we still live in an old pattern which says that the man proposes and the woman disposes…), the guys took the lead. They decided on the position, sometimes sticking out their nails, and I, to get into the game, looked like a “fragile little thing” who likes to obey. But I was completely bored. It is generally claimed that the submissive dominates just as much since from the moment he accepts the submission, imposes limits and opens certain doors, he is in control. Maybe. But I wanted to be the one who decides and directs, guides and surprises. Not the one who drives tacitly by taking less initiative.
I like to be a source of surprise
Women who prefer to be submissive appreciate the surprise effect. Well, that's what I hear very often. They never know what their partner is going to do or say. For them, it's a way to abandon themselves to the sexual act, to stop thinking, to disconnect, to leave... Precisely, what I like is to observe my partner who lets go... Thanks to me ! I like to surprise him, I like to be on top of him – Andromaque is my favorite position. I choose the rhythm, I decide to speed up or slow down, to put a hand on his mouth or to close his eyes. He never knows what to expect, he faces the unknown and he loves it. I'm also into raw words, I like to tell him what I want, to give him orders. I take pleasure when I do it and enjoy watching his reactions.
That's how I get off
Behind my behavior, one could believe in a need for omnipotence. Also to a fear of abandoning oneself, I have already thought about it. I don't think that's the case, because by acting the way I do, I lose my footing. It's my way of finding pleasure, first because my partner loves it and it's contagious, then because directing the relationship allows me to go where I want (always with his consent) and therefore to fully live the moment. Initially, I imagined that I was not confident enough with the men I met. Even if it's a game, you have to feel safe to put on the submissive costume. But I have known long relationships, in which I felt good, but impossible to let myself go. Maybe I'm like that in bed because I'm pretty shy on a daily basis. Sex is a secret garden, a field on which I dare to express myself.
I confused some men
I'm lucky, because my partner really likes me to take the lead. We have found the balance. It sometimes happens that he orders me to play the submissive, it always lasts a minute or two, and it is for the sole purpose of knocking me out of my hinges, as if I had to "revenge myself" . With my exes, things were different. Rarely have I known men who loved being submissive. They were baffled in front of me! They didn't necessarily expect to dominate, but they hoped to alternate constantly. Result, I lived a lot of animal reports! Everyone wanted to take power. It made the act interesting and pleasant, in a different tone. But I happened to come across men who quickly confided in me that they did not like it. They felt like they had nothing to do. I can only understand, because I myself don't like this place. The whole thing, in the end, is to find someone with whom it sticks on this point… We all have our preferences in bed.