Due to an involuntary muscular contraction of the muscles surrounding the vagina, vaginismus makes penetration painful or even impossible. How to treat it and regain a fulfilling sex life? Our tracks.
Behind the term vaginismus, there is that of vagina. But vaginismus is not a vagina problem, nor a gynecological problem; usually the vagina is fine. Vaginismus is a sexual disorder linked to an involuntary contraction of the muscles surrounding the vagina.
This contraction then prevents penetration. It's as if the vagina was closing, locking itself. Medically speaking, we distinguish partial vaginismus (at this time, the subject has no difficulty inserting a tampon, a cup, an ovum, only coital penetration is made impossible) from total vaginismus (in this case, any "intrusion" is impossible), but also primary vaginismus (always present) secondary vaginismus (which occurs later in life, when everything was going well until now). But why do the muscles of the perineum lock and how to treat vaginismus?
Fear of pain and fear of the penis
When we talk about vaginismus, we are therefore talking about a reflex contraction of the muscles of the vagina: we “want” to make love, but something is blocking it, the body refuses.
In question, often dyspareunia, that is to say pain during intercourse. By dint of pain, of a badly experienced penetration, the vagina chooses to close so as not to “relive” this experience. In other cases, we can evoke in the broad sense the fear of the penis, due to a distorted vision of the male sex (we imagine it very large, while we imagine its very small vagina), sexual abuse which revives in the subject a fear of suffering.
We can also question the way we look at sexuality, or what we have heard about sexuality. A woman, for example, who thinks that sex is "dirty", can suffer from vaginismus insofar as she does not allow herself sexuality. Of course, all this does not mean that dyspareunia, sexual abuse, or a "negative" view of sexuality necessarily leads to vaginismus.
Without saying that vaginismus is purely "in the head", it is necessary to admit, all the same, its psychological nature, so that a psychiatric follow-up can be of great help. But there are other parallel solutions to get out of it and re-tame your body. Namely, already, that vaginismus does not always prevent a fulfilling sexuality: penetration is, wrongly, the centerpiece of sexual intercourse . However, one can take pleasure in practicing a so-called "preliminary" sexuality, thanks to external caresses, in particular via stimulation of the vulva (and therefore of the glans of the clitoris), breasts, belly... This "way of doing allows women to relax, lubricate, and realize that their body is still in the game. A positive observation that is more than useful for healing.
Then, specialists generally suggest taking your time: the muscles of the vagina, if they contract, do not contract for hours. During a relationship of trust, with lubricant , softness and external caresses to calm down, it is possible to “play” at the entrance to the vagina. The idea is not at all to force the passage, but to show your body, inch by inch, that it can relax. The vagina is like tights: it's when you put your leg in that it opens. Even if so, here, we won't talk about a leg (atmosphere) but a finger, then a penis. If, of course, the pain is present and the penetration impossible, we resume the sexuality of foreplay, we have fun differently, so as not to lose confidence.
Finally, masturbation also remains an avenue to explore: the fear of the penis and, sometimes, the fear of a relationship that is too virulent, partly explain vaginismus. Masturbation then allows you, solo, to meet your body and reassure yourself: it's ok, it's going well. A “victory” which invites, then, to share a sexual relationship in a new dimension. If, at two, it blocks again and again, it is then necessary to take stock: what bothers me in this configuration? In the practice of penetration? Elements of response to then share with a specialist if necessary.