Many people enjoy submissive dominance relationships with a preference for second place. Why is the role of the submissive in a couple's game exciting? Explanations and advice on how to do it.
“By forcing me to follow him, my partner is forcing me to let go”
“It's only when Erwan takes the lead that I don't think of anything. I let myself be, I obey him, my head goes blank,” says Elodie, 30. If sex helps many of us to disconnect, we still have to surrender completely. Submission requires taking no initiative, in other words, no longer controlling anything. The very definition of letting go, which we experience in life as in bed, with more or less success.
As soon as we no longer decide on the next caress and let ourselves be guided without thinking, we welcome pleasure more easily. Our brain is disconnected, we are attentive to every word, every gesture, so that our sensations are more intact, and therefore more pleasant, as testified by Marjorie, 26 years old: "If my partner touches my sex by putting his hand on my mouth and pulling my hair, I take three times my foot. I like constraint, I feel like a fragile and vulnerable little thing. By forcing me to follow her, my partner forces me to let go. I can't cling to anything. This position of inferiority is exciting for me because all the sensations are increased tenfold”.
"Not knowing if he's going to touch my breasts or buttocks is terribly good"
By playing the submissive or the submissive, we let the other lead the boat of our pleasure. How can we predict whether it will brush against us or bite us? Kiss us or turn around? The surprises follow one another and all the more so if you blindfold yourself. “I like the reports of domination submission blindfolded, says Simon, 32 years old. I don't know what to expect. My girlfriend decides and every initiative on her part is a surprise, which gives me more pleasure. I am facing the unknown and it puts me in crazy states! ".
A feeling that Marjorie shares. Because if pleasure comes from letting go and losing control, it is also unable to anticipate. “My partner plays hot, cold, he sets the tone of the relationship. Not knowing if he's going to touch my breasts or buttocks, hand me his penis or force me to masturbate is terribly good. As if being just as much of an actress took away some of my excitement because the relationship becomes predictable. When we're not playing, I like to know how I'm going to touch him or whisper to him what I like, but in surprise, my body leaps, each gesture is crazier”.
“By submitting, I dominate him”
Domination-submission relationships take the form of a game. The couple chooses the role of each one together. The setting is intimate, defined, and respectful. And contrary to appearances, the submissive also holds the power! Physically, you might think it's inferior, but in reality, the ratio is balanced. It is by deciding to be submissive and more or less playing the game that the dominant is oriented. "It is enough that I no longer take any initiative and withdraw into myself as who disposes for Florian to understand where I am coming from. And the more I play "the weak", the more he plays the strong. On the contrary, if I have I want to be a little more present, I'm more active and he dominates less”, tells us Hélène, 31 years old.
Basically, the couple quickly forgets who is the dominant, who is the dominated, and one needs the other to exercise his role. If the dominated expects the dominant to guide him, the dominant can let go if the dominated allows him to and he will set his limits if the dominant goes too far. A balanced game, for maximum pleasure. As long as everyone agrees.