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What is an orgasm and how to recognize it?
There is sexual pleasure… and then there is orgasm, that amazing climax of strong sensations. But why do we come, exactly? Can we not notice it? How to recognize orgasm, all our orgasms? Let's go over the subject! Ask anyone to define orgasm for you: everyone will come up with their own definition and adjective. For some, orgasm is volcanic, surprising, boiling, trembling. For others, it is shivering, rare, comical, soft or cute. For others still, it is… a mystery. Because yes, if orgasm is part of our sexual lives, are we sure we know it and recognize it well? To accept it as it is to enjoy it more? It may be at the center of our conversations, we have a lot to learn about it to better appreciate it and enjoy it more! A medical definition Orgasm is a key experience in human sexuality and sexual health. In other words, it brings us satisfaction during our sexual intercourse. But where does it come from, exactly? It usually occurs after the arousal and plateau phases. These phases of what is called "sexual response" were defined by Masters and Johnson, pioneering researchers in sexuality, in the last century. They are the different stages that we go through during sexual intercourse. After the arousal phase (desire is satisfied, pleasure increases), we reach the plateau phase, during which our pleasure is maintained. Then, all the pent-up pleasure ends up exploding: it's orgasm, or orgasmic discharge! Most of the time, we feel a loss of control. What exactly happens in our body when we lose control? The DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the American Psychiatric Association), a reference work in psychiatry that focuses on many psychological and physiological phenomena, offers a definition of orgasm. We can read that it is a "feeling of intense pleasure resulting from sexual stimulation, accompanied by involuntary rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor muscles." We must add to that a psychological dimension: we also feel things in our heads! Relaxation, emotions, love, satisfaction... Was that an orgasm? All the evidence you need to know! Some people don't know they've had an orgasm, or at least they doubt it! This can be explained by a discreet or quick orgasm, or by a lack of connection to oneself. So, to recognize an orgasm, we can go beyond its definition and discover all the phenomena likely to accompany it. Involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor, in other words the intimate area: in fact, as the official definition suggests, orgasm is manifested by contractions in the intimate area. It's a bit like all the pleasure concentrated here since the beginning of sexual intercourse bursts forth. A racing heartbeat: During lovemaking, the heart beats fast. During orgasm, it pounding! Faster breathing: Breathing is also a marker of orgasm. You may need to catch your breath, you may gasp for air, you may pant with pleasure… Body temperature increases: difficult to measure (we're not going to get out the thermometer), but we can feel that we are hot! The diameter of the pupil widens: of course, this is not the time to look at yourself in a mirror, but you can look your partner in the eyes... and see how magical it is! An urge to pee, especially in women (I also invite you to read our article on female ejaculation ). The part of the perineum that surrounds the vagina can, by contracting more and more strongly, tickle the urethra. As a reminder, the perineum is a set of muscles that participate in sexual pleasure. In women, lubrication is always more intense: women feel wetter. Also, the lips at the vulva swell and the glans of the clitoris is more visible and harder. In men, the erection may be harder, more rigid, evidence that orgasm is in progress. Ejaculation, in men, is also proof of an orgasm that is on the horizon. However, be careful, it is not impossible to ejaculate without cumming: this is called a reflex. Mechanical pleasure is present but there is certainly a lack of a psychological dimension to trigger a real male orgasm capable of surprising the body and mind! And then, depending on the individual: a desire to laugh or cry, a need to scream or talk, redness on the chest, a fantasy of pain, spasms... After orgasm, new clues to know that you have come While some women and men feel like laughing or crying during orgasm, you should know that these emotional reactions can occur after orgasm and ejaculation. So, if you are moved, tell yourself that you have certainly just come. Otherwise, why would your state change like that? In addition to this, after sexual intercourse and orgasm, an intense feeling of relaxation can invade you, to the point of making you want to sleep. Because yes, the brain is present during pleasure and orgasm: it releases neurotransmitters that have a super relaxing effect! For example, oxytocin relaxes and strengthens the bond with the partner, while endorphins, known to reduce the sensation of physical pain, provide a general state of well-being. So if you are high after having a lot of pleasure, it is normal, and there is a good chance that you have reached orgasm! Another way to realize the orgasm that has just occurred: the sensitivity of the intimate parts. Not everyone experiences it. But many men and women no longer want their penis, vulva or glans of the clitoris to be touched: these pleasure organs have worked hard and need to recover from their emotions. We are talking about the refractory period, this period of time during which the sex takes a break after pleasure. The erection goes down, the clitoris too. It will take several minutes, even several hours, to restart the pleasure from the excitement phase, the very first one! Clitoral or vaginal orgasm? The question still exists. Women sometimes think that they did not come because there was no vaginal penetration, this is false! The female orgasm has no law, no rules. In all cases, it comes from the clitoris, this fabulous organ dedicated to pleasure, which swells with caresses. Distinguishing vaginal orgasm from clitoral orgasm therefore makes no sense, and that is good news. The clitoris extends inside the body for several centimeters. In its "hideout", it crosses the perineum, which, through contractions, stimulates it. In short, a woman can orgasm by practicing vaginal penetration, but also by taking advantage of stimulation of the vulva and the glans of the clitoris. Moreover, we now know that women who tend to orgasm less generally lead a sex life very oriented towards vaginal penetration: however, it is by caressing the exterior of the female sex (the vulva and the emerged part of the clitoris) that orgasm can surprise! Yes, it is an orgasm in its own right. You can absolutely have an orgasm without having stimulated the vagina, in the same way that having sex without penetration is still having sex! By breaking away from these stereotypes, we open ourselves up to all our orgasms and we love them all the more! Change your vision of orgasm to enjoy it better What if we stopped imagining that orgasm is necessarily the consequence of active and rhythmic penetration? What if we stopped imagining that orgasm is necessarily spectacular, accompanied by screams, curtains being torn off, nails scratching the partner's shoulders? By giving more freedom to our orgasms, by accepting that they are small, large, shy, original or even lazy, we learn to welcome them as they are and therefore to appreciate them. We also learn to appreciate their particularities: some will make us suffocate, others will offer us only small tremors... We will then know that all physical and physiological manifestations are in nature, and that the most important thing is to connect to them to get maximum pleasure from them! So let's choose to look at our orgasms with more indulgence. If we get out of our narrow vision, we will recognize the orgasm better, since we will grant it the right to be who it is! Who knows if we have not missed several orgasms, all because they did not seem like... orgasms? Let yourself be surprised by orgasm Why do some people have difficulty in reaching orgasm? Because they hope, more than anything, to reach orgasm. We all want orgasms: you have to see how pleasurable pleasure is! But if we focus only on this goal, we miss out on pleasure. Our "plateau phase" becomes impoverished. However, it is by living the caresses to the fullest, by taking the time to stimulate our erogenous zones, that we accumulate pleasure. This is how orgasm can surprise us afterwards: because we do not expect it but we have put all the chances on our side! A good resolution: stop trying to "perform". The idea is not to achieve incredible orgasms but to feel good in your body, to connect with your sensations, to take care of your sexual relations, to make it last... This is how orgasm can arrive and be enjoyable. Dare to masturbate to better understand your orgasms To better accept your orgasms and especially learn to know and recognize them, the practice of masturbation in women as in men is a good idea. Of course, it is not a mandatory practice: everyone does what they want, as they want. Simply, the fact of trying autoeroticism offers a very precious observation time. Let's say that it is not a question of making love with your brain (only) and being in "analysis" mode, but it is interesting to see masturbation as a playground and new sensations in search of a more fulfilled sexuality. We can test things: If I stroke myself longer and hold back my desire longer, is the orgasm stronger afterwards? Do more direct caresses cause greater pleasure? Does more “physical” masturbation (changing positions, sustained rhythm of caresses, etc.) lead to new types of orgasms? Should I stimulate erogenous zones that I tend to forget about, or that are rarely used during sexual intercourse? Maybe they deserve better treatment! Solo, this is the opportunity! Do my fingers fill me with pleasure, or can I use a sex toy? To stimulate the clitoris and vagina in women, the prostate and penis in men… Each toy has its role to accompany us in the experience of our orgasms. Masturbation allows us to discover several types of orgasms and to understand that our orgasms are never the same. Everything depends on our caresses, our practices, the erogenous zones addressed, our state of mind at that moment... The important thing is to hear that all orgasms are in... our nature! Our best-selling sex toys for (re)discovering your orgasms myPleasure, The Curved G-Spot Vibrator , a feminine sex toy for gentle vaginal stimulation. The Amazing! - The 2 in 1 - Clitoral stimulator & vibrator , for incredible clitoral stimulation thanks to intense vibrations. Adès - The ultimate experience for your penis , for perfect penetration and new erection sensations!
