Faking an orgasm is pretending to reach seventh heaven . It must be said that this is often the end result that we appreciate when we have sex . If you have already faked it, tell yourself that you are probably not an isolated case.
A survey conducted by Amorelie, a sex toy brand, in 2022 reveals that 49% of French people have already faked an orgasm, 67% of whom are women. This practice raises questions: Why fake non-existent pleasure and what are the repercussions?
Why do we choose to fake it during certain relationships?
Although researchers have tried to identify the causes of orgasm simulation, erotic pleasures are difficult subjects to discuss. The reasons behind orgasm simulation remain complex and little discussed, and testimonies on this subject are rare. But here is some information that could enlighten you.
Differences between men and women in orgasm simulation
It is often said that the simulation of sexual orgasm is a woman's business. However, this is not entirely true since an Ifop study for the Online Séduction site in 2019 revealed that 42% of the men surveyed have already simulated. The question that arises is: why have so many men already simulated?
It must be said that orgasm is always associated with ejaculation in men , that is a mechanical proof that pleasure has been achieved. But this is not entirely true since a man can reach ecstasy well before ejaculation. More precisely, he can have orgasms without having ejaculated and vice versa.
For women, faking it is more accessible, since everything happens in what we send back to our partner. The recipe is simple: reproduce certain common reactions linked to orgasm, in particular screams and muscle contractions.
Psychological and relational reasons
First of all, it should be noted that orgasm is characterized by a peak of pleasure felt after stimulation of the erogenous zones . In women, the source of pleasure can vary since the female organism is quite complex.
For example, orgasm can be clitoral: it is then caused by stimulation of the clitoris. If it is triggered by penetration, we then speak of vaginal orgasm . Some women also manage to come following simple caresses or even with anal penetration.
But female orgasm can also be mixed, both clitoral and vaginal, or even produced only by G-spot stimulation. According to researchers, orgasm simulation has psychological reasons such as:
- the desire to protect one's partner and not hurt them,
- the desire to please or make one's partner happy,
- the desire to end unpleasant sexual intercourse,
- the lack of sexual desire,
- the inability to let go.
And besides, the simulation of orgasm can also have relational reasons . Indeed, for some people, it is a way to show the attachment that he or she has for the other partner. They then let themselves be taken by the excitement and love felt during the sexual act . The simulated orgasm is then a way to please the other, or sometimes a fear of feeling judged. The simulation is therefore orchestrated by fear or following a feeling of insecurity.
Pretending isn't great for our relationships
Is faking an orgasm cheating? If you're asking yourself this question, it's because you feel guilty about doing so. In reality, faking orgasms is clearly not a good long-term option. The consequences of such a decision can be really unpleasant for you, your partner, and your relationship.
Impact on trust and communication in the couple
In most cases, sexual intercourse is supposed to give you intense pleasure. It occurs thanks to a mutual desire shared between two partners: the sensations of pleasure are supposed to be shared. Even if sometimes, you can also have maximum pleasure by practicing sex in a gentler way ( slow sex , circumclusion , etc.)
If you are faking it just to shorten that intimate moment , you need to ask yourself some questions. The same is true if you are faking it out of compulsion just to meet your partner's expectations.
In these cases, faking orgasm can actually be detrimental to the development of your relationship: it indicates a lack of communication and trust. You prefer to live in the illusion that everything is fine instead of acknowledging that there is a problem.
Long-term effects on sexual satisfaction
Looking for a satisfying and enjoyable sex life ? It's simply impossible if you're always pretending to feel pleasure that doesn't exist. Sex will become a source of frustration for you. Over time, you'll end up feeling cheated and jaded, especially when the situation repeats itself.
What if we stopped pretending?
First of all, you need to know that orgasm is not a must. So, put some trust in your relationships and stop faking it!
To start and ensure that your intimate moments bring you pleasure , you can start by being honest. Tell your partner the truth! After all, sexuality should not be a taboo subject in a couple. On the contrary, it is the cement that will strengthen your relationship. So here is what you will need to do:
- Express your expectations and fantasies so that your next sexual relationship is perfect,
- Discuss together if you have any sexual dysfunction issues.
Be careful! You have to approach the subject tactfully so as not to hurt your partner's self-esteem. He must not feel that he is a bad guy. Avoid talking about your past experiences or making comparisons, you have to talk about the present problem, and in a positive way.
How to satisfy yourself and your other half to stop pretending?
Here are some tips that will help you fully enjoy your intimate moments and avoid faking orgasm .
Importance of knowing your own body
Knowing your genitals , your erogenous zones and your source of pleasure is key to having more orgasms. But you also need to talk about it with your partner, hence the need to communicate well. He will then know better how to give you pleasure .
You should also remember that vaginal penetration is the last step of a sexual act: your intimate moments can begin with foreplay and games to gently raise the temperature. They help to optimize desire and the level of excitement and promote the lubrication of the vagina , which facilitates penetration.
Role of sex toys and aids
You should also know that there are different ways to trigger orgasm. Instead of faking it, it is better to resort to these techniques. One of them is to use adult toys or sex toys to allow you to discover new ways to have fun.
For example, you can try the clitoral stimulator and vibrator: you will love The Amazing ! It will allow you to reach ecstasy in no time. There are also products designed to remedy the problem of vaginal lubrication and it is strongly recommended to use natural lubricant . This increases the pleasure and perhaps even the duration of the relationship. Who knows, thanks to the lubricant, you may no longer need to pretend !
So, ready to be 100% honest with your partners?
Faking orgasm happens to everyone and it's not the end of the world . But nothing beats honesty and sincerity because over time faking it could deteriorate your sexual satisfaction. It can also harm your relationship .
Finally, being honest with your partner helps you let go . The inability to reach orgasm can actually be caused by:
- a psychological blockage,
- a lack of self-confidence,
- a communication problem.
If you want to have a fulfilling sex life , bet on sincerity! Dare to talk about it with your partner so you no longer have to fake an orgasm !